Posts Tagged ‘symptoms’

Symptom of atheist parasite infection: heightened knowledge of religion

September 28, 2010 Leave a comment

This may tide everyone over until I finish up another batch of atheist parasite entries – it’s an interesting discovery about carriers of atheist parasites. It seems that one of the symptoms of infestation is a heightened knowledge of religion, according to a Pew Forum poll:

On average, people who took the survey answered half the questions incorrectly, and many flubbed even questions about their own faith.

Those who scored the highest were atheists and agnostics, as well as two religious minorities: Jews and Mormons. The results were the same even after the researchers controlled for factors like age and racial differences.

“Even after all these other factors, including education, are taken into account, atheists and agnostics, Jews and Mormons still outperform all the other religious groups in our survey,” said Greg Smith, a senior researcher at Pew.

Some of the results from believers were quite telling:

  • Fifty-three percent of Protestants could not identify Martin Luther as the man who started the Protestant Reformation.
  • Forty-five percent of Catholics did not know that their church teaches that the consecrated bread and wine in holy communion are not merely symbols, but actually become the body and blood of Christ.
  • Forty-three percent of Jews did not know that Maimonides, one of the foremost rabbinical authorities and philosophers, was Jewish.

It is obvious from this data that a comprehensive knowledge of religion and religious practice is a clear warning sign of atheist parasite infestation.

If you feel that you know too much about your religion and are starting to have some doubts about your faith, please seek help from a priest, pastor, rabbi, imam, or other holy figure immediately. Discontinue use of your Bible, Koran, Talmud, or holy book of your choice until symptoms fade.

When your faith returns, be certain to only use prescribed, church-approved scriptures to keep it strong, and avoid reading other portions of your holy book without proper guidance. Under NO circumstances should you read the holy books of other religions, or attempt to comprehend how they function.

Following these rules should go very far to protect you from infestation.

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