Posts Tagged ‘mathematics’

Hemant Mehta

September 20, 2010 9 comments

Image courtesy

The Hemant Mehta parasite is one of the most insidious types of atheist parasites of all. This revolting organism invades both schools and churches, acting as a mild-mannered, productive  member of society, while secretly leeching off of the benefits that are meant for believers.

An outbreak of this parasite is presently occurring in a Chicago high school, where students are being subjected to heretical, deity-free mathematics lessons.

In 2006, the Hemant Mehta spread to a series of Christian churches after a Seattle minister named Jim Henderson made a careless impulse bid on eBay. This toxic event caused many infected Christians and atheist parasites to gain a better understanding of each other. A chronicle of this terrible plague is found in the book I Sold My Soul on eBay.

AVOIDING THE HEMANT MEHTA PARASITE: Avoiding infection from this foul bug requires some careful vigilance. It should go without saying that you should avoid taking any math classes in Chicago, but there is a much bigger threat of infection.

While it would be unreasonable to recommend avoiding church for any reason, that is precisely where most people will find themselves exposed to the Hemant Mehta. To protect yourself, always be cautious when encountering new people at your church, and if any of them approach you to discuss ways that atheists and believers can coexist peacefully, RUN!

To learn more about this nauseating parasite, visit

(Special thanks to Hemant for linking to the Field Guide, and for all of the positive and encouraging comments that have been coming in from his readers and others.)


Alan Turing

September 16, 2010 4 comments

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

The Alan Turing is a parasite best known for its developments in mathematics, logic, cryptanalysis, and computer science. In fact it is this latter disease – computer science – that this parasite was most adept at developing and propagating.

During World War II, the Alan Turing parasite was responsible for breaking German coded messages, which despite the best efforts of this rotten germ, may have actually saved the lives of hundreds of Allied soldiers.  After the war, this disgusting little bug went on to create one of the first stored program computers.

AVOIDING THE ALAN TURNING PARASITE: To prevent possible parasitic infection from the Alan Turing, you should avoid any and all contact with computers, including any devices that store digital data. This can include portable listening and reading devices, cell phones, cash registers, and most modern automobiles and aircraft.

You can find out more about this nasty little parasite at its Wikipedia page.