Mark Twain

September 17, 2010 4 comments

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

The Mark Twain parasite was first discovered by researchers in 1835, and may have had some connection to the arrival of Halley’s Comet (which occurred that same year).

This insidious bug has since infected American literature with such maladies as Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the latter of which has been considered by many of the infected to be the “Great American novel.”

This parasite infects those who read its literature, and can propagate by inspiring some of its hosts to attempt writing their own novels and short stories, which in turn can be used to infect others.

AVOIDING THE MARK TWAIN PARASITE: This parasite infects any hosts that dare to read its novels, wit, and wisdom, therefore it is best to avoid any American literature written after 1865 (the year of The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, which was the first recorded Twain outbreak). To keep your children from being infected, insist that their school exclude them from any classes on literature.

To be extra safe, avoid books and libraries altogether.

You can find out more about this disgusting parasite at its Wikipedia page.


Alan Turing

September 16, 2010 4 comments

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

The Alan Turing is a parasite best known for its developments in mathematics, logic, cryptanalysis, and computer science. In fact it is this latter disease – computer science – that this parasite was most adept at developing and propagating.

During World War II, the Alan Turing parasite was responsible for breaking German coded messages, which despite the best efforts of this rotten germ, may have actually saved the lives of hundreds of Allied soldiers.  After the war, this disgusting little bug went on to create one of the first stored program computers.

AVOIDING THE ALAN TURNING PARASITE: To prevent possible parasitic infection from the Alan Turing, you should avoid any and all contact with computers, including any devices that store digital data. This can include portable listening and reading devices, cell phones, cash registers, and most modern automobiles and aircraft.

You can find out more about this nasty little parasite at its Wikipedia page.


September 16, 2010 10 comments

Hello, and welcome to The Field Guide to Atheist Parasites, a blog inspired by the comments made by Rabbi Daniel Lapin on an episode of the Glenn Beck show:

Here is a transcript of Rabbi Lapin’s words of divine wisdom:

“I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense that they are benefiting from everything that religious culture has built in America, but they’re doing nothing to add energy into the system.”

Rabbi Lapin’s comments are chilling, to say the very least, especially when one considers the large amount of existing atheist parasites in government, medicine, science, and entertainment, coupled with the growing number of proto-parasites – those people in our country who just coming to grips with their unbelief.

The purpose of this blog is to identify several examples of these nasty little atheos parasitus organisms, to demonstrate what a terrible blight they are on our culture, and to warn believers like Rabbi Lapin and Mr. Beck to stay away from them and all of their disgusting ways.

I am hoping this blog will both educate and enlighten. Thank you for your time.

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