In an appearance on the Glenn Beck show in September of 2010, Rabbi Daniel Lapin shared these words of divine wisdom:

“I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense that they are benefiting from everything that religious culture has built in America, but they’re doing nothing to add energy into the system.”

Rabbi Lapin’s comments are chilling, to say the very least, especially when one considers the large amount of existing atheist parasites in government, medicine, science, and entertainment, coupled with the growing number of proto-parasites – those people in our country who just coming to grips with their unbelief.

The purpose of this blog is to identify several examples of these nasty little atheos parasitus organisms, to demonstrate what a terrible blight they are on our culture, and to warn believers like Rabbi Lapin and Mr. Beck to stay away from them and all of their disgusting ways.

I am hoping this blog will both educate and enlighten. Thank you for your time.


Some remarks have been made in reaction to this blog that go along the lines of “What is this I don’t even…?” Not everybody gets the joke here. That’s okay. Happens all the time. I’ll try to explain.

Someone made a broad, sweeping comment about how all atheists are parasites, and are reaping the benefits of a culture built by the religious, without adding anything positive themselves. This is wrong on a couple levels. For one, our culture was not built solely by the religious – there were more than a few atheists involved. Second, there were, are, and will continue to be nonbelievers who do positive things for our culture.

So with that same sort of “atheists are yucky” attitude in mind, I began a blog that describes nonbelievers in the same sort of terms – as nasty parasites who leech the benefits of our culture and don’t give anything back except garbage like the theory of relativity, the greatest American novel, and the first stored-program computer.

Yes, I know that some of the atheists listed here have done bad things as well. Yes, I know that Christians and other believers have done good things for society at large. No, this isn’t about diminishing the contributions that believers have had to world cultures. No, you don’t have to start a blog in response to this one about how…
No, you really don’t, because…
I’m just trying to…
but you see…
oh, you already have?

Well, then. Good luck with that.


  1. mandatoryname
    September 20, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Thought your site waz funny. I heard of it via Pharyngula.
    I think it would be great if you were able to expand it somehow, so that it could become some sort of database of famous, and possibly everyday, atheists all described in your very humorous medical style.
    If you are able to make this site searchable, and open to outside entries, like a Wikipedia, it might really take off. (take that Conservepedia)
    Thanks the laughs.


    • September 21, 2010 at 5:46 am


      I like that idea, but I also wonder if the joke wouldn’t become stale before too long. I hadn’t even planned on maintaining this blog for more than 20-30 entries, because I figured that the point would be well made by then. But, if the idea remains popular, I could reconsider.

  2. Doodle Bean
    September 20, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    I agree with Johann since the evil rabbi specifically claimed only *religious* people have built up our nation. A place for you to start might be: http://brainz.org/50-most-brilliant-atheists-all-time.

    There are many distinguished and productive atheists at that site, including Andrew Carnegie, Charles Darrow, Linus Pauling, Chandra, Claude Shannon, Richard Feynmann, Crick & Watson, Stephen Jay Gould and others who truly helped make up the good our country posseses.

  3. September 20, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    It’s really a good thing that you added the “for the benefit of those who do not get it” part. I was concerned for a moment.

    I’m enjoying your work so far.


  4. robert
    September 20, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    needs a bit of work, but this parasite would make an interesting additiion (please feel free to improve on it)

    Ayaan Hirsi Ali (memeus fem-chalangious). A relatively new strain of African parasite that has migrated to Europe and North America, with sporadic appearances in Australia and countries. This parasite targets women from mainly underprivileged socioeconomic backgrounds, due to their weakened critical thinking gland. Notoriously difficult to eradicate as it is perpetually surrounded by a number white bodies analogous to the human white blood cells, and is continuously on the move never seemingly to be in the same location for more than a few hours.
    This deceptively virulent parasite has extremely effective camouflage that makes many a medical practitioner overlook just how serious it can be. The parasite appears fragile with no means of defending itself and because of this it can invade rapidly.
    Short exposure to this parasite has profound effects, foremost is a pathological desire to research everything about this parasite and the effects it has on the people exposed. The worst side effects appear limited to the fundamentalist members of the Islamic faith, that results in high blood pressure, foaming at the mouth, and uncontrollable rage.
    Avoiding the parasite: Avoiding the parasite is almost impossible as the pathology is not biochemical but meme dependant. Thus the only known defence that has any chance of immunisation is to stick your fingers in your ears while chanting “nah, nah, nah” repeatedly. To make matters worse is the chance of infection from a secondary source, which, while it may be of a lower toxicity, will predisposes the victim to full on attack if the ears are unplugged at some stage.

  5. September 20, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Wow. What an amazingly bigoted man you are. *Religion* is the true parasite of man, not atheism (or as I like to call it “a belief in reality…”)

    • September 21, 2010 at 5:28 am

      David – Did you read this page all the way to the end before you commented?

      Just asking.

  6. William
    September 21, 2010 at 9:09 am

    David, I believe you missed something…

  7. September 24, 2010 at 8:44 am

    Great concept, excellent start. Here are some more candidates, organised by their particular branch of parasitism…

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