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Hemant Mehta

Image courtesy friiendlyatheist.com

The Hemant Mehta parasite is one of the most insidious types of atheist parasites of all. This revolting organism invades both schools and churches, acting as a mild-mannered, productive  member of society, while secretly leeching off of the benefits that are meant for believers.

An outbreak of this parasite is presently occurring in a Chicago high school, where students are being subjected to heretical, deity-free mathematics lessons.

In 2006, the Hemant Mehta spread to a series of Christian churches after a Seattle minister named Jim Henderson made a careless impulse bid on eBay. This toxic event caused many infected Christians and atheist parasites to gain a better understanding of each other. A chronicle of this terrible plague is found in the book I Sold My Soul on eBay.

AVOIDING THE HEMANT MEHTA PARASITE: Avoiding infection from this foul bug requires some careful vigilance. It should go without saying that you should avoid taking any math classes in Chicago, but there is a much bigger threat of infection.

While it would be unreasonable to recommend avoiding church for any reason, that is precisely where most people will find themselves exposed to the Hemant Mehta. To protect yourself, always be cautious when encountering new people at your church, and if any of them approach you to discuss ways that atheists and believers can coexist peacefully, RUN!

To learn more about this nauseating parasite, visit friendlyatheist.com.

(Special thanks to Hemant for linking to the Field Guide, and for all of the positive and encouraging comments that have been coming in from his readers and others.)

  1. Mary's baby daddy
    September 20, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    You heard him right folks… Don’y take ANY math classes in Chicago! I declare Poe’s Law regarding this article.

  2. September 20, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Look at that cheerful, smiling face. It is a facade. See how his eyes glow with hidden malevolence. Notice how one eyebrow flows in locks to his shoulder. His 5 o’clock shadow denaotes a villain surely. Clearly we are all in danger of this fiend. I shall remain vigilant against him and guard his site day and night.

  3. Jeff Smith
    September 20, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    This is the best joke EVER!

  4. rturpin
    September 20, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    May I offer as candidates: Frank Zappa, Bill Gates, Ernest Hemmingway, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr, and Stephen Girard.

  5. Tort
    September 20, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    I thought I’d throw in my suggestions:
    Carl Sagan
    David Attenborough
    Albert Einstein
    Richard Feynmann
    Andrew Carnegie
    Clarence Darrow
    Bertrand Russell
    Linus Pauling
    Stephen Hawking
    Douglas Adams
    Mark Zuckerberg

    That’s the problem with these atheist parasites, there’s just so many of them, it’s good that someone is there to point them out to us and help us avoid them.

  6. September 20, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    Might I suggest you feature the newly elected leader of Australia, Prime Minister Julia Gillard! A declared athiest who is moving in to The Lodge with her “partner” who is a hairdresser (this is his daughter, I kid you not: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/people/pms-stepdaughter-poses-in-bra-20100913-1577x.html).

  7. Melissa
    September 21, 2010 at 7:11 am

    There is nothing friendly about the “friendly atheist”. I like him until be became prick.

    The point is not that he is an atheist, but that he is an asshole.

    Who does he think he is kidding?

    • Ingen
      September 21, 2010 at 7:35 am

      So what has he done that’s unfriendly? He’s one of the friendliest people around.

  8. Student
    September 25, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this. I’m a Christian, and quite frankly, the subversive hidden messages in math class make me sick.

    JUST KIDDING of course. Mr. Mehta is fantastic. (And I am deeply sorry for any Christians who are THAT easily offended. We’re not all humorless farts, I promise!)

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