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Mark Twain

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

The Mark Twain parasite was first discovered by researchers in 1835, and may have had some connection to the arrival of Halley’s Comet (which occurred that same year).

This insidious bug has since infected American literature with such maladies as Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the latter of which has been considered by many of the infected to be the “Great American novel.”

This parasite infects those who read its literature, and can propagate by inspiring some of its hosts to attempt writing their own novels and short stories, which in turn can be used to infect others.

AVOIDING THE MARK TWAIN PARASITE: This parasite infects any hosts that dare to read its novels, wit, and wisdom, therefore it is best to avoid any American literature written after 1865 (the year of The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, which was the first recorded Twain outbreak). To keep your children from being infected, insist that their school exclude them from any classes on literature.

To be extra safe, avoid books and libraries altogether.

You can find out more about this disgusting parasite at its Wikipedia page.

  1. Scarecrow
    September 20, 2010 at 12:43 am

    Don’t forget the Kurt Vonnegut Parisite, which I think is simular but separate species of the genus Literature.

  2. bcoppola
    September 20, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Reminds me…been a long time since I’ve read Letters from the Earth. Middle school, in fact – laughed my young ass off after finding it in the library. Was gently dissuaded from using it foe the read-aloud exercise. Must be how I got infected.

  3. bernarda
    September 21, 2010 at 1:57 am

    Remember Mark Twain’s contemporaries, Ambrose Bierce who wrote The Devil’s Dictionary, and Robert Ingersoll.

  1. September 20, 2010 at 4:21 pm

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